I just paste the best entry here. It's a bit long, as suddenly a bit emotional that day. But wrote it with peace and appreciate mind. I will still prefer you to visit my upsaid's journal-smile801123. hehe...enjoy..but i think only Mr. G will be the one who really read through all our BEST entry one by one.

Relationship with my Father.
Yup, family is the most important element for everyone of us and they will not give us up no matter what had we done-either something disappointed or embarassed or negative or bad...they will always stand beside of us although after all the strong arguments, straight comments, and angry words.

Still remember all the incidents happened related to my family members. When i was a secondary school student, i didnt put much afford in my family yet the school was my second home. I spent my whole holiday in school but the original home sweet home was just be regarded as a Hotel - a place to rest, sleep, and eat. I didnt really have close r/ship with all family members including my father. Its due to the age gap and growing background.

My father always stand so high and so far from us, he is someone i cannot touch, someone i cannot play and laugh together, someone seem so close in blood r/ship to me but so far in the real daily life. We seldom talk since young. He worked throughout day and night to pay for the daily bread that the whole 9 members in the family needed. After we have the stable financial status, the gap was already there. I still remembered i called him when he reached home. He signed my academic report when there is a need. He didnt comment about my academic achievement but will only say: Good result is yours, if get a bad result will become 'cows to do the plantation'-means doing hard works to earn money. Study become my own personal plan. Nobody will praise nor scold me and can you imagine my parent didnt know when is my PMR and SPM examination during that sort of important period.

Since From 1, i was allowed to reach home after midnight, stay over night at friend's house by just giving a call to inform my mum. That's it. They didnt even know where was i. I envy my friends who will receive straight guidance from parents sometime as my feeling towards my parent at that moment was negative-they didnt care of me....They didnt know what i did and what i need.

As one incident happened when i was in Form 3 which caused by my dad and it widen our gap indeed. I disagreed with my dad and argued with him. But the argument really brought a negative impact. Due to that incident, we talked even more less when our conversation was considered limited. Can you imagine our communication was just bouded with the greetings? After Form 5, when i received the telegram from UTM on one Wed night, decided to go on Thurs morning after calling UTM, informed my mum on Thurs evening and my mum passed the message to my dad that night. Friday morning received the money from dad and packed my luggages and my dad, mum, younger sis accompanied me to UTM on Saturday morning and left me alone when i went for faculty's registration. Within three days, i changed my academic journey. No body in my family really gave comments and opinions to me but i made up my own mind. May be somebody will think it's nice as so much freedom, but for me it's something lonely feeling and i get too much freedom. Sigh. Ambiguous feeling. Hope to get freedom but sometime hope there is someone to guard me.

Thanks God i didnt neglect my studies although i was not that hardworking and it's lucky to get a place in UTM. Although my parent didnt really guide me and control me, all these Freedom trainned me to be an independent girl and decide my own life. Everthing is having pros and cons effect. I didnt blame them much as they didnt know much about education - i cant expect my parent who didnt even finish primary school education to help me in academic matter. It will just embarassed them and bring trouble to them.

When i was in UTM, i really realised the importance of family. I miss them and need them whenver i encounter problems and difficluties. In this four years, I tried to be close to my family. No problem for mum, brothers and sisters. But the r/ship with dad is the most challenging one. It's difficult, i can only sent birthday card, and wrote words which i cant say it out in the cards. Tried to call him and talk to him but the response from him will always the same: Do you have enough money to spend?

For him, be able to support the needs of all the family members is considered a good husband or father. Thats why he works hard to earn money for the family. If we asked, and need money, no matter how difficult, he will get the money needed for us. Although until today we still talk not much, but at least i know he loves me by using his own ways and i love him by showing the love through his way - study hard, work hard, earn money and give them money every month in future. They didnt really need the small amount of money from me actually but it's just a way of showing appreciation.

He is a good father actually. He went through many things and he has the difficulty to show his love and care to us. He used to talk loud and scold us, but it's one of his way to show his concern. I know it and understand it nowadays, that's why i didnt blame him but follow his way to show the love to him. Although he did something which brought us unhappy moment when i was Form 2, it's overed at least and it's glad that he still takae good care of my mum and us.

I still dreaming, i dare to really hug him and kiss him and tell him 'I Love You' and 'Thank You' one day. May be you cant figure out how difficult it is, but for me, it's more difficult than asked me to give birth or jump from the aeroplane in the sky alone. But i will try my hard to do it one day. Pray for me??

If you are having a close relationship with parent or yoru parents are still alive like mine, do appreciate them. I bet many of you are very close to your parent as your parents are from new generation.

During CNY, think of your parents, siblings, besides Ang Pau....